Feeling Special
I generally don't feel special and valuable to anyone. I expect I should have felt special to my parents, but that didn't happen. I cringe at kids' performances where a parent yells from the back of the room to cheer their child, but it shows unrestrained, unashamed love, affection, and pride in their child. I don't think I ever got anywhere near feeling that from my parents. No one has ever thrown me a surprise party. I'm not special enough for that. The pedophile who abused me told me when he was grooming me, that him touching me, "Was our special thing." But it was robbing my wife of our special sexual touch. So it' no wonder when I'm feeling ignored, bypassed, unloved, unvalued, unseen, unappreciated, insignificant, and generally not special, that I would turn to attempting to re-enact my abuse or finding images of men being sexual with one another and having an orgasm. However, there have been times where I have felt special. Here they are: 1