Outback Jack's Journey

My workout buddy has accused me of being an exhibitionist. I had said to him a few times that my counsellor had suggested that because I used to hide from my alcoholic and verbally abusive Dad in my bedroom and did my schoolwork, that I should consider trying to feel seen. I had asked my counsellor whether it is a real need or a perceived need. Do I just need to be emotionally vulnerable and exposed by sharing my story, or do I need to physically be vulnerable and expose myself? He said both. Why I am not an exhibitionist? My desire is not to feel seen. I'm not addicted to it. Yes I've exhibited my body in the past and received attention, which I enjoyed as a shadow of the love and connection that I was desiring and missed out of getting from my Dad. When I was on Instagram, I felt the pressure to post from seeing others' posts and the affirmation they received. But I could feel the "thirst trap" that it was, and got off. What's the reason I get naked with oth...

Today I didn’t go to my regular church that I’ve been to every week since it started in Easter 2010 (except for being sick or away). I’ve not felt supported by my pastor (who knows about my SSA) or my local support crew, who also know. We’ve had 8 pastors in 14 years, so we’ve not had a great run. I don’t find the current pastor to be giving any encouragement for evangelism or having compassion for the lost; he hasn’t been vulnerable and shared deeply of himself, so everyone is hiding behind their “good Christian façade”; in 14 years I can only recall 2 talks on sex or with much application for our sex lives.  But even all that wasn’t getting me thinking about church. I was thinking about my kids and keeping them in a stable strong youth group.  So when Doug said he wouldn’t continue to drive across town to my church, but wanted to find a more local church to where his kids went to school. That’s when I started thinking about my church, and other churches.  Today we went ...