Outback Jack's Journey

I have my Brothers Road Zoom coaching group just now. (I really would recommend it) They asked what I'd like to work on. I said I'd like to talk to the part of me that wants to meet men on Instagram and flirt with them to feel seen. The leader got me to connect with that part of me, which is usually late at night and when someone has ignored me or rejected me. He asked what is an earlier time I've felt like this, and it was growing up. My Dad had a desk where he'd study facing away from us at the far end of the lounge room, which we could see from the kitchen and family room. I must have looked at the back of his head thousands of times wanting connection, but if I did disturb him, I'd get shouted at and told not to disturb him. I presumed there was something wrong with me for wanting connection with him. The leader got me to imagine entering that scene as my adult self, approaching little me together with Jesus. We kneel down and hug him, and tell him that there...

Late last night I was watching Star Wars: Attack of the Clones again. My daughter was going to bed and said “Good night. Are you going to bed soon?”  I said “I’ll go to bed soon, but I’m hungry and I’ll eat some food”  She asked, “Have you seen a doctor about your hunger?”  I felt shame in the question because it implied my hunger is weird or unusual and I should see a doctor about it, and why haven’t I seen a doctor about that already?! Today she left early but when she got back I was able to have a conversation with her about this and say that was a triple barrelled question that implied that I’m stupid, and this is what her Mum has done - she implicitly shames me.  She admitted that she does subtly put me down in some of her questioning. She's effectively learned from her mother who's modelled that to her. We hugged and apologised.  It was really lovely.