Strategies I know work

4x Joy-filled Memories:

  1. Aged 12, flying a glider with my Dad - possibly the only positive memory I have with him.
    Joy level now: 1/10. Original joy level: 6/10
  2. Aged 33, proposing to my wife outside the Opera House using postcards written by her family and closest friends.
    Joy level now: 4/10. Original joy level: 8/10
  3. Aged 45, my daughter asking me to how to ask the Holy Spirit into her heart.
    Joy level now: 10/10. Original joy level: 8/10
  4. Aged 50, receiving a surprise visit from a friend who'd flown 1,800 km to see me.
    Joy level now: 9/10. Original joy level: 9/10

4x Distressing Memories:

  1. Aged 12, flying a glider with my Dad - possibly the only positive memory I have with him.
    Distress level now: 3/10. Original distress level: 10/10
  2. Aged 8, sexual assault by a man.
    Distress level now: 2/10. Original distress level: 10/10
  3. Aged 16, Bullying by peers at school.
    Distress level now: 5/10. Original distress level: 10/10
  4. Aged 49, Having my hopes of living as a new man crushed by my wife.
    Distress level now: 8/10. Original distress level: 10/10


Things I've done to heal distressing memories 1-3:
  • Telling someone else what happened
  • Realised I am not the only person this has happened to
  • Counselling
  • Realised I wasn't at fault
  • Realised my reactions were normal
  • Recognised what happened as abuse and assault
  • Reprocessed with different emotions (JiM)
  • Imagined the distressing memory and reacting as my adult self, and comforting my younger self
  • Reframing the distressing memory with myself as the victor, not the victim (JiM)
  • Written a reflective journal
I have done all of those things for the first 3 distressing memories, but not the last. Guess what I'll be doing next?!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Story

Image
1. Family background My Dad was from Canada. He was an alcoholic, always seemed to be angry, and verbally abusive primarily to Mum, but also my sister and I. One year I was asked what I wanted for Christmas, and I said, “One day where Mum and Dad don’t shout.” Every night he would drink and after dinner he would start shouting, mainly at my Mum, but if my sister or I would talk with him, we’d get shouted at too. So I learned to hide in my bedroom and did my schoolwork. I have no memory of him ever saying he loved me. I know many fathers of this generation didn’t, but his actions didn’t show it either. He didn’t spend time with me, he showed no physical affection, no wrestling, no hugging, he paid me no attention, gave no praise and showed no trust. Dad didn't even seem to like being around me. Dad was physically present, but distant. He didn’t raise me. It seemed he couldn’t be bothered or care about me at all. He would only want to spend time with me so I could help him with a pro
Read more

Journey Beyond reflections

Image
Journey Beyond (JB) together with my whole trip was fantastic!  I loved hanging out with other JiM guys in Houston, Atlanta, Chicago and LA, and hanging out with Scott in Houston and celebrating his birthday (despite vomiting)! At Journey Beyond , I felt I rediscovered my boyhood and celebrated my masculinity.  In  Journey Beyond  I yelled at my “wife” for 2-min. In my Guts work, I smashing the negative messages I’ve believed about myself.  JB  was the hardest work and most fun. It was totally worth it.  I felt: affirmed, connected, and belonging as a man. I shared all this with my counsellor and he summed it up as: “You’re loving your inner child from my healthy adult self.” I agree. I also realised that the pedophile who abused me aged 7 & 8 was overweight. I vowed I would never be like him in ANY way.   That’s come out in me NEVER wanting to be overweight. This is fragmenting men into parts and only seeing part of other men, such as their body fat. Other men do it with me and o
Read more

Bless my arousal

Image
I just finished talking with Scott, who's been on a week of therapy for sexual abuse in Washington state. He said the leader said to him, "You were made to want to make love to anything beautiful. You want to merge with beauty." This begs the question, "Are you going to make love to everything that arouses you?" Clearly he's not, but needed to have an attitude other than shame for when he was aroused by different people and things in different scenarios. I often have close friends give me compliments because they know I've filtered them out of my internal narrative. My shields are down now and I can receive compliments, it's not to get a big head, but receiving them now improves my mental health, my internal perception, and my self worth. Yes I need to be not reliant on other people, and just value myself and God's perception of me, but my default position is to criticise myself, put myself down, self-condemn, self-hate, and self-loathe, so rece
Read more