What is Same Sex Sexual Attraction?
Most gay/SSA men feel low in confidence and perceive other men as confident. Similarly we feel "less of a man" for various reasons (being short, missing social cues, scars, having a small penis, being objectified, not being athletic, appearing weak, not having enough body hair, etc). So those things make it onto our list of "masculine imperatives" - essential things for real men to have. We say, "Real men have these things and I don't." Unfortunately we've defined a fiction and put ourselves outside the box. It's self-condemnation, which becomes self-hatred, and self-shaming. We look for differences between ourselves and other men. Even if I'm taller, more muscular, and more confident than another man, I will ignore those and see that he's more hairy than me. I'll put myself down saying, "He's more of a man than me."
The "more" masculine things I see in other men (which I think I'm lacking), I want them, and the longing becomes sexualised. There's a theory called, "Exotic becomes Erotic". So during puberty, what we find "different" or "exotic" becomes sexualised and erotic to us. As I felt different from other boys and men, boys and men were "exotic". You likely felt the same as other boys, but girls were "different" and became erotic.
Gay men think they can cannibalise another man's masculinity to make themselves "more" of a man. But physically touching the other man or putting his manhood into themselves, doesn't make them more masculine. Combine that with an orgasm (which is effectively acting like a drug that helps them feel strong, powerful, and manly), reinforces the longing, although ultimately futile.
Thankfully I've not got that sexual with another man - no kissing, oral, or anal sex.
The challenge with gay/SSA men is that because we know what turns us on, we know what turns another man on. It's unlike having to connect relationally with our wives for them to feel like connecting sexually with us.
Very well rewritten. Clear and succinct.
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