Shredded

Last night my sister gave me a chilli dish that had two Australian tablespoons (40ml) of chilli in it (what the recipe called for). I couldn't eat it and added diced tomatoes and tomato sauce to eat it, but during the night my body wanted it out and ran to the toilet a number of times. This morning when I walked out of the bathroom I saw my fasted/starved body in the mirror and thought, "Wow your abs look really shredded!"

I mentioned this to Scott. He asked, "What are you telling yourself about your abs?"

I said, "I look like an attractive model, so I must be attractive. But if I'm attractive, why don't I have any friends? I must not be attractive."

I found that surprising. Scott found it interesting.

My presupposition were: 

1. Attractive people always have friends.
2. I don't have friends.

I was surprised by that. Scott found it interesting and asked when did I first begin to believe these things. It was in primary school when I was aged 6 or 7. I felt a heaviness down in my stomach (different from the chilli feeling), a big knot behind my belly button, and the sides of my face were pulling down. So sadness and shame.

Scott said that he sees a beautiful 7-8 year old boy, made in God's image, crowned with glory and honor, who already believes he is terribly deficient. He needs our love and are to help him feel the truth.  And that no matter what he looks like, he is worthy of love and belonging. He is precious to God and others, including him.

God looks at the inside; men look at the outside.

Scott asked me to tell this hurt little boy what we see in his beautiful, godly heart.
I talked to him, told him he was beautiful, lovely, precious, valuable, worthwhile, delightful, and playful boy. He deserved to be pursued, loved, delighted in by my earthly father. But my Heavenly Father has pursued, loved, and delights in him.