My Mission & Purpose

Through love and vulnerability, I build authentic communities where people feel complete in Christ.  

(I'm thankful to The Crucible Project weekend, Mission and Purpose, which I attended in August 2023.)

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My Story

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1. Family background My Dad was from Canada. He was an alcoholic, always seemed to be angry, and verbally abusive primarily to Mum, but also my sister and I. One year I was asked what I wanted for Christmas, and I said, “One day where Mum and Dad don’t shout.” Every night he would drink and after dinner he would start shouting, mainly at my Mum, but if my sister or I would talk with him, we’d get shouted at too. So I learned to hide in my bedroom and did my schoolwork. I have no memory of him ever saying he loved me. I know many fathers of this generation didn’t, but his actions didn’t show it either. He didn’t spend time with me, he showed no physical affection, no wrestling, no hugging, he paid me no attention, gave no praise and showed no trust. Dad didn't even seem to like being around me. Dad was physically present, but distant. He didn’t raise me. It seemed he couldn’t be bothered or care about me at all. He would only want to spend time with me so I could help him with a pro...
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Loser Award

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It's 6am and I’m feeling very sad. I've been awake for 3 hours after some memories from when I was 18 have come up. I feel punched in the guts. The building where I charged my car the other day is next door to where my Year 10 formal was held.  That got me thinking about my Year 12 formal where the students who organised it gave everyone awards (unchecked by teachers). I wasn’t in the dining hall when they gave them out, but a friend told me soon afterwards that I got some type of Loser award. 😢 I felt sad, rejected, crushed. I called Scott on video and he asked, “What are you feeling?” I couldn’t speak for over a minute, and I just cried. I felt a very heavy knot in my stomach, like the size and heaviness of a bowling ball. I also felt a heaviness on my shoulders, like someone was standing behind me pushing down on my shoulders stopping me from standing up. My mother had drummed in to me daily, "Don't be angry like your father." It's like I have a Jawa restr...
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"If I'm completely honest..."

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If I am completely honest and uncensored, part of my wants to see and be seen naked, touch, and be touched by other men, and be sexual because: I want to be desired by someone, desperately, eagerly desired, worshipped by someone. I want to know someone loves me and loves my penis, and desires to be close and touch me. I want to feel pleasure, delight, and orgasm. I want to know who I am, see and compare myself to other men. I want to be curious, know the different variations of penises. I want to be the object of someone's lust. I want to hear them cry my name out because they WANT me BAD. I want to matter to someone. I want to be wanted, pursued, I want someone to thirst for me, to be completely transfixed, mesmerised, captivated. I want them to not notice anything in the world, BUT ME!  I want to be valued, seen, appreciated, that I matter, I am important to someone. I want someone to want and value me - all of me! I want someone to love my penis like I do. I want them to pleasur...
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