Where do you say you're going when you're going to Journey Into Manhood?

As far as I know the Journey Into Manhood (JiM) weekend is the only weekend IN THE WORLD specifically designed for men with same sex attraction.

I'd been connected with Brothers Road for many years, but lived in Australia. I watched JiM weekends advertised in US states that I'd never heard of and imagined them to be far away from the east coast that was at least "close" to Australia. If I'd known my distances better, I would have realised that Sydney to Los Angeles is 12,000km (or 7,500 miles) and Sydney to Indiana is only 25% more (15,000km or 9,300 miles). I had hoped that a JiM weekend would run in California one day, but it didn't happen. So I continued my "passive recovery" in Australia.

"Passive recovery" is what I now call the period of time when I realised that the issues coming up in my life around my same sex attraction were serious, and I thought I was taking action, but really I was still in denial to myself, trying to make changes to my behaviour (the symptoms), and not addressing the real needs. I was into Internet filters, I was in a 12-step program, and I had an accountability group. But my accountability group was very 1-sided and I felt like an idiot who was confessing to looking at porn weekly, when the other guys shared issues perhaps once per year. When I did share, I felt a lot of shame. So either I didn't talk to these guys regularly, or I lied and became inauthentic.

What changed? Two things happened at about the same time. The first was my sense of value increased. I realised that the issues related to my same sex attraction were the top most issues in my life, and I needed to do more than "passive recovery". The second was I clocked over 10-years service with my employer. In Australia, it's a national workplace entitlement that long serving employees are eligible for 2 months leave after 10 years of service. So my colleagues, friends, and family were all asking me, "What do you want to do with your Long Service Leave?" My wife and kids didn't have this leave, so where did I want to go by myself? Eventually I realised that what I really wanted to do for myself was to go on the JiM weekend.

So I applied for leave, paid the JiM rego at the earlybird price, and booked flights. But now, what was I going to tell my colleagues, friends, and family when they ask, "Where are you going?"

I had also discovered that a work conference was being held in San Francisco a few days prior to the JiM weekend. So to a lot of people I said I was flying to the USA for this conference. This was true, but only partly so, and definitely not the primary reason. And I was not entirely comfortable giving this answer. Possibly because I really didn't know what the JiM weekend was all about or what it was going to do for me.

What had I imagined JiM was going to be like? I imagined a lot of classic-style teaching from a person up the front using Powerpoint. I was wrong. It's also not a male orgy.

JiM involves experiential healing, which means the healing comes from experientially doing a process that brings out issues in my life (where a trained facilitator guides me in a specific healing process). The experiential processes are different for every man attending, and that is why the number of men staffing the weekend is also high (they volunteer and pay their own way). The men staffing are peers who understand the struggles of the men attending. The processes on the weekend help the men bond, develop a sense of community and brotherhood - often this is the first time men feel really included and supported in a group of men. Men share their challenges and thoughts with each other, to discover that they are not alone in their struggles, and even that their stuggles are not specific to men with same sex attraction! Men grow in their self-worth, self-value, and self-acceptance as a man, and accepted as a man by other men. Men are welcomed and initiated into the world of men, and join a community for men who are also growing in their acceptance as men who belong in the world of men - similar to discovering a man had been carrying a life membership to men's club already for years!

So knowing all that. When I signed up for the second Brothers Road weekend, Journey Beyond. What did I tell people when I said I was going to the USA again? I actually said to some people, "I'm going on a weekend called 'Journey into Manhood', where I learn to grow up as a man." (No one I've told has ever Googled it and asked, "Is it a weekend for men with same sex attraction?"). I've told other people I'm travelling "To go to therapy."  Most people leave it at that and don't ask further questions. For some people I'll continue and say, "I've discovered the only organisation in the world that has an intensive program specifically for people like me, and it's in the United States." I may elaborate further and say, "It for therapy related to childhood neglect and abuse from my parents and other adults."  Even at US Customs, the officer asked, "What is the purpose of your visit to the United States?" and I said, "Therapy." He replied, "I hope you enjoy your visit..., uh, I think...?"

If you're a JiM Alumni, what would you suggest men say who have signed up for the JiM weekend, but who don't know what to say to colleagues, friends, and family? 

#AboutJourneyIntoManhood #JiMAlumni