Ejecting the Inner Critic (Nov 7, 2023)

I couldn't sleep, as I hadn't taken the drowsy antihistamine (diphenhydramine) that I've taken every night for the last 4 years to get to sleep and stay asleep.

My Inner Critic was telling me, "You're such a pathetic man that you need a tablet to get off to sleep!" My mind was full of other unhelpful messages in the realm of: you're hopeless, worthless, unlovable, stupid, unimportant, unnoticed, uncared for... But I was finally able to separate the voice of the Inner Critic from myself. It was being incredibly critical, horrible, nasty, hurtful, and evil! I could see for the first time the Inner Critic as separate from me, but attacking me.

In the counselling session last week, the counsellor had a chair for the Inner Critic. I sat on it briefly and the messages started up, but she didn't give it much airtime. I sat on my regular chair and spoke to the Inner Critic. I said, "You want him to man up, grow up, and get stronger. But you've been doing a dreadful job, and what you think is motivating is actually just demoralising. What you think is helpful, has been unhelpful and crushing." The counsellor continued, "You've done such a hopeless job that we're going to get rid of you, sack you, fire you, eject you! YOU ARE GONE!" And she picked up the chair, opened the door, and put it outside. I asked the psych about getting rid of the Inner Critic or turn him around into a coach. She said, because your Inner Critic is SO harsh and there’s nothing really remotely redeeming, it’s better to sack him, eject him, get rid of him. That surprised me, but I can see it. 

Just after midnight, I connected with Scott and he helped me speak to my Inner Critic, which I did. I said, “Thanks Dad and Mum, but I don’t need your harsh, judgemental accusations anymore. I will take care of myself in a curious and kind ways that are helpful and motivating. Get out now! And NEVER come back!”

I then felt peace. 

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