"No, I'm good thanks"
If you're going to shame me for arranging a massage with a stranger, then please stop reading now.
It was a massage we'd arranged thru MassageExchange.com. My profile says "No sex" twice. Before I met him that time I had also texted, "No sex." We met for a massage exchange about two weeks ago and that was a good experience.
However this time, he got more sensual with me than before. I had three sore points on my body I asked him to massage, and he massage two of those areas. This time he was clearly not focussing on my body, but getting off on me, and trying to arouse me. I did get aroused, but not for long. He grabbed me at one point, but I said, "No touching. Thanks" and he let go. I ended up straddling his chest with my penis near his mouth, and he offered to blow me, but I said "No thanks." He gave me a body glide or two, which got me briefly aroused. I did the same and he groaned in ecstasy. He called out what he thought was my name, which helped me realise that he doesn't really know me at all.
My people-pleaser felt like I should just let him go and help him get off. As I was abused aged 7-8, I am very accustomed to men taking advantage of me, not having any boundaries, and pleasing others to stay connected. But part of me also realised I was repeating or re-enacting my sexual abuse. It felt good to enforce my boundary of "no sex". I did enjoy having lots of tender skin touch, which I've not had from my wife in a number of years. A massage is usually giving someone touch to relax them, which this was, but he was also clearly taking from me, which I'm not comfortable with.
I felt very masculine and assertive saying No to him at least twice.
I won't see him again.

Thanks for sharing Andre, hopefully you could move on after the incident.
ReplyDeleteThank for telling this courageous story. I resonate with everything you said. Luckily, I have gotten massages from men, but there was no sex, though one guy liked to work pretty close to get a good tip. Sometimes, we just want a bit of attention. And massage is certainly a way to get our needs met without violating our boundaries. Thank you
ReplyDelete