Outback Jack's Journey

​I’ve been in the Unwanted Journey course by Jay Stringer for the last few months. We had the last session yesterday and we each spoke a blessing to each of the men.  Here’s the blessing from Scott: André - It’s rare to have a loyal friend. You are one of the most loyal, generous and kind friends I’ve ever had the honor of knowing. Evil sought to destroy you in the place of your greatest glory…your ability to befriend, be playful with and connect with men. Your boyful playfulness is evident to everyone…nobody can work a boner into a conversation quite like you! What’s beautiful is to see how you’ve started to transform to take the glory and honor God has given  you more seriously and you are taking yourself more seriously. You’ve learned from your  mistakes and have done a better job of finding your boundaries to both delight in others and at the same time, keep your relationships from going to a place of dishonour. As you continue to show compassion and kindness to little André you’re

I'm at a playground, but I'm not playing. I'm sitting by myself at the highest point waiting for my parents to come. They're late. Nearby is the man who groomed me, seduced me, sexually abused me, and robbed me of first experiencing sexual delight with my wife. On the playground is another boy who he also sexually assaulted in the same bed as me for the last few nights. I don't want anything to do with him or the boy. I want to be with my family.  But my family were not safe, but they were safer than this pedophile and this boy. Dad turns up. I stay seated at the top of the playground. He'd made me promise not to tell my parents. I feel conflicted inside, sick in my stomach. I'm trapped. I don't feel I have anyone I can turn to. I'm sad and confused. I clench my jaw. I'm exhausted. The man said that the sexual touching was, "Our special thing", but that was clearly a lie as he also had been touching the other boy. He was a liar. He had

Strategy for being present . I've known that when I feel "off", dsyregulated or feel the draw towards porn, what I really need is connection. However, often I can't get face-to-face connection. So here's the levels of connection that I attempt to have at that point: Connection by text. Connection by seeing another man's eyes and feeling seen by another by him by exchanging face pics. Connection by live video call where we can see each other's eyes and facial expressions live. Connection face-to-face, in person, where there can be a hug or other physical connection. I have this strategy with other men, but I realised I can have that strategy with my wife too. Yes it's a little difficult being separated, but when we meet, I can make a point of not beginning to talk unless we have eye contact.  If I'm being really present with her, by connecting with her eyes, then I don't transfer or put shame onto her. I had a session with the counsellor on Wedn