Outback Jack's Journey

After reading this story, please let me know what physical sensations happened in your body, not thoughts (eg not "I felt uncomfortable", but "I felt sick in my stomach"). "Mum, Am I Going to Die?" In primary school, my nose seemed to bleed at anything. If I was knocked, it would bleed. If I was hot, it would bleed. If I exercised, it would bleed. If I was stressed it would bleed. If I sneezed, it would bleed. I couldn't do sport or athletics or run. The propensity of my nose bleeding seriously held me back. My Mum worked at the hospital, and she knew people who knew the best specialists. I went to see an Ear, Nose & Throat specialist. Inside my nose he saw an ulcer that was right over a blood vessel. One of the first things he said was, “I don’t want to cauterise it because that might leave you with a hole between your two nostrils inside your nose and that might make you whistle when you breathe in.” So, he gave me a cream to apply, which we appl

My workout buddy has accused me of being an exhibitionist. I had said to him a few times that my counsellor had suggested that because I used to hide from my alcoholic and verbally abusive Dad in my bedroom and did my schoolwork, that I should consider trying to feel seen. I had asked my counsellor whether it is a real need or a perceived need. Do I just need to be emotionally vulnerable and exposed by sharing my story, or do I need to physically be vulnerable and expose myself? He said both. Why I am not an exhibitionist? My desire is not to feel seen. I'm not addicted to it. Yes I've exhibited my body in the past and received attention, which I enjoyed as a shadow of the love and connection that I was desiring and missed out of getting from my Dad. When I was on Instagram, I felt the pressure to post from seeing others' posts and the affirmation they received. But I could feel the "thirst trap" that it was, and got off. What's the reason I get naked with oth

The day after Christmas (aka Boxing Day) is one of the biggest porn use days worldwide.  When it's 27-Dec in Australia, it's still 26-Dec in the USA, so I used Scott’s Zoom account to run a Zoom meeting to help men feel connected and get non-sexual authentic connection with men, instead of turning to porn for soothing and false intimacy. I advertised it in: BrothersRoad.online, JiMbrothers.online, Straya Overcomers, and Scott promoted it in his groups. I connected with a few JiM Alumni, but 3 other men in particular: A Jewish man who was married for 20 years from the New Jersey area, but never told his wife or anyone about his same sex sexual attraction to men. He barely showed his face. He felt so much fear about sharing with his wife or Rabbi as he expected he’d get immediately divorced and ostracised from his synagogue. I contacted a Jewish JiM Alumni I knew and he was able to get on the Zoom call and talk with him before he had to leave. I ask the Jewish JiM Alumni and Rich

I went to the nude beach area of the Murrumbidgee River after work today. My goal was to get nude and not interact with anyone. When I got to the car park and took my shirt off, I could feel the heat of the sun burning my back. I just wore my shorts, took a towel and a drink bottle, and my car key in my pocket. The first bit of flat grassy/sandy area that I came to had two overweight men there, so I walked past about 50m. The walking trail had easy access to the river and a flat pool of water just upstream from some small rapids. I took my gear off and went in. It was quite shallow and rocky but I was able to crawl/swim across the swift flowing water to some stiller water. I lay mostly submerged on a smooth rock with just my face and chest above water. I just lay there and looked at the clouds and blue sky for a bit and thanked God for the day. After a while I crawled onto the rocks, found a smoothish flat rock and lay down in the sun for about 25 min. I prayed for my family and friend

Today after my workout I went to the sauna and was alone in there. I took two pics and sent them to a mate. I realised that I wanted affirmation from him, but the real need behind that was for Dad to feel proud of me. So with my head under a towel, I focussed on the things I wanted Dad to be proud of me. I realise that I wanted Dad to be proud of me for just being me, but it was easier to recall the big achievements where I really wanted Dad to express that he was proud of me. So here's a list of things I wanted Dad to be proud of me: Coming 3rd in year 6 High Jump. Winning the inter-base department volleyball competition at HMAS Albatross in 1996. Playing basketball (1998) - my Mum and Dad did come to watch me play once, but I was not very good at basketball. I did receive the Most Consistent Player Award, but that was because I didn't know the rules and got fouled off every game! Completing numerous 24-hour team mountain bike races (2010-2014) Finishing various mountain bike

I couldn't sleep, as I hadn't taken the drowsy antihistamine (diphenhydramine) that I've taken every night for the last 4 years to get to sleep and stay asleep. My Inner Critic was telling me, "You're such a pathetic man that you need a tablet to get off to sleep!" My mind was full of other unhelpful messages in the realm of: you're hopeless, worthless, unlovable, stupid, unimportant, unnoticed, uncared for... But I was finally able to separate the voice of the Inner Critic from myself. It was being incredibly critical, horrible, nasty, hurtful, and evil! I could see for the first time the Inner Critic as separate from me, but attacking me. In the counselling session last week, the counsellor had a chair for the Inner Critic. I sat on it briefly and the messages started up, but she didn't give it much airtime. I sat on my regular chair and spoke to the Inner Critic. I said, "You want him to man up, grow up, and get stronger. But you've been do

Journey Beyond (JB) together with my whole trip was fantastic!  I loved hanging out with other JiM guys in Houston, Atlanta, Chicago and LA, and hanging out with Scott in Houston and celebrating his birthday (despite vomiting)! At Journey Beyond , I felt I rediscovered my boyhood and celebrated my masculinity.  In  Journey Beyond  I yelled at my “wife” for 2-min. In my Guts work, I smashing the negative messages I’ve believed about myself.  JB  was the hardest work and most fun. It was totally worth it.  I felt: affirmed, connected, and belonging as a man. I shared all this with my counsellor and he summed it up as: “You’re loving your inner child from my healthy adult self.” I agree. I also realised that the pedophile who abused me aged 7 & 8 was overweight. I vowed I would never be like him in ANY way.   That’s come out in me NEVER wanting to be overweight. This is fragmenting men into parts and only seeing part of other men, such as their body fat. Other men do it with me and o