Outback Jack's Journey

Realising the difference between:  Perceived Threat (past or future) Actual Threat (present) Perceived Threats can include: Feeling used Feeling I will disappoint someone. If someone is disappointed, I have expected that I will get hurt. Strategy: People pleasing, so they're not disappointed Fight/Flight/Freeze and Fear may be justified. Survival is on the line. No rational choice. Regulate - with breathing and exercise Reaction Actions chosen based on: Values, Integrity, Happiness, Beliefs, Boundaries Reactions based on: Survival, not rational choice.

Greg 's characteristics Scott 's characteristics Arnie 's characteristics confidence confidence confidence athletic athletic athletic friendly friendly friendly assertive assertive assertive decisive decisive decisive leader leader leader accepting accepting tender helpful loving curious bold These role models are me! I am: curious, loving, helpful, friendly, tender, accepting, assertive, athletic, confident, bold, leader, decisive, integrity, honest, truthful.  "What would Scott do?" Default: Reacting because I feel threatened, I will choose SURVIVAL over VALUES. New me: I can regulate myself and not live a life out of reactions,  I can choose SURVIVAL over VALUES. 

Here are some things that I have silently expected, and been disappointed when they've not been met, and probably triggered. Wife: I have expected my wife to touch me constantly, to help soothe and calm me. I have expected my wife to want to be near me and touch me whenever she's nearby. I have expected my wife to desire me sexually and want to make love to me daily, or at least 3x/week. I have wished my wife would be sexually adventurous trying different positions and locations, like those alluded to in Song of Songs. My local support friends: Doug, Matt, Richard, Phil, Andy, Peter, Owie:  I have expected these men to initiate hugs with me every day I see them. I have expected these men to understand me, understand my SSA needs, be keen to research SSA material, be compassionate, be curious, love me, defend me, be on "my side", and be my advocate. I have expected these men to respond to group texts (reading linked articles and videos) within a few hours and show supp

I had been wanting to go to a Journey Into Manhood weekend for years. I was waiting for it to be "more convenient", like for it to be in Asia or the east coast of the USA, or next door, and cost nothing! Finally I decided it was the one thing I knew would help, and the cost to my sanity and repeatedly being out of integrity with my values because of my same sex lust was growing. I realised it was the biggest issue in my life and I was hardly spending any money on it. I was giving thousands of dollars to ministries and missionaries, but not valuing my mental and spiritual health. So I spent the money on flying across the Pacific, and even all the way to Indiana. The Journey Into Manhood weekend was transformational. I realised I was not alone. I realised I wasn't so weird. I realised I was good looking. I realised that the people who called me their friend weren't just faking it or tolerating me, they genuinely liked me, and I began to like myself too. I realised I wa

I'm working out in the nude. I'm not jerking off or anything sexual. I'm just feeling unseen/rejected/abandoned. I missed going to Brazilian Jujitsu this morning and I'm feeling disconnected from men. My body is responding in Fear, but I’m trying to calm it down.  I do have counselling this arvo, so I’ll process this then. What I'm meant to do at this point is work out where the Fear is coming from: past, present, or future. It is not present, but my body is reacting unconsciously as if it is a present fear.  However, the fear is from the past: where I was rejected in primary school and high school by peers. When I was in year 5, most mornings all the other year 5s would play British Bulldog - a game played on grass where one person was "in" and everyone else ran from one side of the field to the other hoping not to get tagged. Whenever I was "in", I found it very difficult to catch anyone on the first few runs. This resulted in bullying and teas